


I'll Always Find My Way Back to You

by orphan_account



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Ouija, Sick fic kinda, The Ghoul Boys (Buzzfeed Unsolved), buzzfeed unsolved - Freeform, car crash fic, hospital fic, shyan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 08:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23848165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Shane gets into a car accident, and his survival is questionable, but he knows that no matter what, he'll find his way back home-to Ryan.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 8
Kudos: 75





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> phew, this one's gonna hurt in the end. in the meantime, enjoy!

Shane Madej had gotten into a bad accident. Brake failure and a resulting collision. Nobody expected it, least of all Ryan, who now drove as fast as he could, his anxious tears matching the raindrops racing down his windshield.

He pulled into the hospital parking lot, got out of his car, and fumbled with his keys, struggling to lock the vehicle. He finally managed to press the button, and took off sprinting towards the doors to the lobby. 

He reaches the building, bolting through the doors. He wipes nervous sweat off his wrinkled brow as he runs even faster through the entryway to the front desk. 

“Shane Madej!” he gasps at the receptionist, and she quickly types the name into her computer program, her face creasing with concern at the information on her screen. 

“He’s in room 202. Are you-”

“Ryan Madej, yes.”

“Head upstairs to the second floor, turn left and he’s close to the end of the hallway,” the lady says, and Ryan breathes a thanks. He runs down the hallway, contemplating taking the elevator but deciding against it- he doesn’t have time to wait for it.

He reaches the stairwell and flings open the door. Ryan takes the steps three at a time, and sprints across the landing once he reaches level two. He runs through the door and down the hallway of the medical ward, his shoes making clapping sounds against the tiled floor. 

_214,_  
_208,_  
_202!_ Ryan finally reaches Shane’s room, sliding to a halt outside the open door. His heart seizes up at the scene in front of him. 2 doctors and 2 nurses are bustling around the room, observing various monitors and medical machinery, adjusting settings every so often on a panel on the wall, with an abundance of wiring and tubing connected to it. And in the center of the room- Shane.

**Oh god, Shane.**

Ryan’s breath hitches when he sees Shane. His face is covered in scratches and abrasions, and his arms and exposed upper body are also covered in such damage, as well as electrodes stuck to his chest, and a white bandage stretched across his stomach, most likely covering a deep gash. Shane’s neck is in a brace, stabilizing it. He has an IV in each forearm, pumping fluid into his pale, broken body. The fluorescent lights in the ceiling paint his skin with a sickly sheen, making him look almost undead. His eyes are closed, and his mouth is open, exposing a busted lip. Ryan’s knees go weak, and he has to hold onto the door frame for support. 

“Oh…oh god-” he says, his voice breaking. One of the doctors whips her head around towards the door, now alerted to Ryan’s presence. 

“Who are you?” she says sharply. Ryan swallows. 

“I- I’m his husband…” he says, and the doctor glances at Shane’s left hand, which is adorned with a wedding band identical to the one on the hand Ryan is using to grip the doorframe. She nods, and places a comforting hand on Ryan’s shoulder as he enters the room, standing at the end of Shane’s bed. “What… what even happened?” Ryan says quietly, knowing if he talks normally, the tears will start falling, and they might never stop. 

“Witnesses told first responders that a semi truck hydroplaned and hit him from the passenger’s side of the vehicle. It’s a miracle that he’s still breathing.” the doctor takes her hand off of Ryan’s shoulder and continues, “me and Dr. Patterson will be done in about ten minutes. May I ask you to please wait outside until then.” Ryan nods. 

“Of course. Thank you for doing what you’re doing,” he replies, and then exits the room meekly, taking a seat on the cold floor a few feet away from the door. He pulls out his cellphone, to find numerous texts from concerned co-workers, who had seen him abruptly run out of the building. Those can wait. He calls Shane’s mom and explains what has happened to her son, and then does the same with Shane’s brother and father. He then texts his mom. 

**Mom, Shane’s gotten into a bad accident.**  
_Oh my god, Ryan I’m so sorry. Will he be ok?_  
**I’m not sure.**  
_Let me know if you need anything._  
**I will. Love you, mom.**  
_I love you too, Ryan._

Ryan’s phone buzzes- _incoming call from Steven Lim._ He takes a deep breath, and then clicks “accept”, pressing the phone to his ear. 

“Hey,” Ryan says, his voice still quivering slightly.  
“Hey, Ryan, what’s going on? You just jumped up from your desk and left…”  
Ryan remembers. 

_He was sitting at his desk, the one to his right empty, his husband having left early for a meeting somewhere off-site about an hour ago. He felt a buzzing in his jean jacket pocket, and took out his phone._ Incoming call, no caller ID. _He was going to let it go to voicemail, but some sixth sense told him to answer it.  
“Hello?”  
“Hi, is this Ryan Madej?” The voice sounded crisp and clear, and Ryan could hear the beeping of machinery and the sound of wheels being pushed across a slick floor in the background.  
“Yes, that’s me.”  
“Sir, I’m calling from the hospital. Your husband, Shane Madej, has been in a car accident and is in critical condition.” Ryan’s heart seemed to stop beating, his stomach dropping to his toes. “Are you able to come to the hospital at the moment?” the nurse asked, and Ryan swallowed nervously.  
“Yes, of course. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Thank you, goodbye.” Ryan hung up the call and grabbed his work bag out from underneath his desk, stuffing his belongings into it as fast as he could. He slung it over his left shoulder and bolted up from his desk, running to the front doors. He could hear people calling out after him, but he ignored them. Nothing else mattered right now._

“Ryan…?” Steven says again, concerned.  
“Shane...Shane was in a bad car accident.”  
“Oh god, Ryan, I’m so sorry.”  
“Yeah…”  
“How is he?”  
“He’s-” Ryan starts tearing up “-he’s not in the best shape.”  
“Is there anything I can do?”  
“Um, yeah- can you tell Katie I had to leave because of a family emergency?”  
“Yeah, of course.”  
“Thanks,” Ryan says, and turns his head towards the door at the sound of the doctors mentioning “finishing up”. “Hey, man, I’ve gotta go. I’ll keep you updated.”  
“Alright. Just remember we all love you and are here for you, man.”  
“Thanks, Steven- bye.”

He hangs up the call, getting to his feet just as the doctors are exiting the room. Dr. Patterson approaches Ryan, and stops a few feet away. 

“Your husband is in critical condition, but relatively stable. If there’s any sort of problem, please press the red call button by the door or above the bed. Either myself or Dr. Reid will be by to check on him in about an hour and a half or so.” Ryan nods and thanks the doctor before entering the room. He starts tearing up again at the sight of Shane. He’s never seen him look so…, _small_ , and it scares the shit out of him. Ryan takes a seat in one of the chairs next to the bed and presses a gentle kiss to Shane's forehead, careful as to not touch any injured areas. 

“Hey, babe…” he says. Ryan takes shanes hand, making circles across his husband’s hand with his thumb. “You’re scaring me, big guy…” the tears are coming in earnest now, sobs racking Ryan’s body, over and over again. He eventually calms himself down, finding comfort in the steady rising and falling of Shane’s chest- the one piece of evidence that his husband is _alive._ He watches Shane sleep, and is nodding off himself, when there is a soft knock on the door. Ryan lifts his head up, and sees Dr. Patterson standing in the doorway. 

“Everything ok?” the doctor asks, and Ryan nods. Dr. Patterson smiles. “Good- i’m just going to check on some things, and then we’ll be done for the night. There will, of course, be doctors nearby 24/7, but we’re all finished with tests for the day. We will need to do a brain scan early tomorrow morning- just to make sure there isn’t any internal bleeding that could cause a stroke, but he hasn’t shown any signs of it happening yet, so it can wait until the morning.” Ryan nods. 

“Would… would it be okay if I were to spend the night?” Ryan asks, and the doctor ponders it for a moment, weighing the pros and cons in his head, and then nods. 

“That’s fine with me. If you want to run home and gather some things, we could pull up an extra bed so that you don’t have to sleep in one of those horrible chairs,” Dr. Patterson offers, and Ryan smiles. 

“That would be great, Doctor, thank you so much. I guess I’ll head home real quick to get some stuff, then.” Ryan kisses Shane’s forehead and whispers into his skin, “I’ll be right back, babe, I promise.” He thanks the doctor once more, and then heads to the parking lot. 

When he gets home, he grabs a duffel out of the hall closet and packs a change of clothes for him and one for Shane, just in case, his toothbrush and paste, deodorant, and several other necessities. He runs back out the door and jumps in his car, headed for the hospital.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a doozy. Sorry it's a bit short. Thanks for reading! xx

When Ryan returns to the hospital and reaches the second floor, he sees doctors and nurses in a steady, hurried stream in and out of Shane’s room. His heart drops to his toes. He slowly approaches the room, bracing himself. Ryan catches sight of Dr. Reid and waves her over, his heart beating a mile a minute. 

“What’s going on? Is he okay?” Ryan says, terrified for her response. 

“He’s alright now, but he had an episode about ten minutes ago- breathing trouble. We’ve fitted him with a breathing tube, so he should be alright for tonight, but we need to do x-rays tomorrow to really be able to see what caused it. Right now, though, he needs to rest, so we’re wrapping up. You can head on in- we pulled up that extra bed for you.” Ryan nods. 

“Thank you. Really, thank you so much,” he says, and Dr. Reid smiles, clapping him on the shoulder while signaling the doctors and nurses in Shane’s room to head out now that they’ve finished up. Ryan waits for them all to leave and then enters the room. 

The breathing tube that Dr. Reid mentioned is in Shane’s nose, connected to an oxygen tank nearby. The extra bed is pulled up to the right of Shane’s, and Ryan gets onto it and lies down facing his husband. Ryan says quietly, “Hi, baby. I’m right here.” he carefully crooks his little finger around Shane’s and curls onto his side, closing his eyes, tired from crying. 

“Ry…?” Ryan’s eyes snap open, and he sits up, looking at Shane, who is looking back at him, confused and scared. 

“ _Shane!_ ” Ryan exclaims, gently nuzzling his face into his husband’s shoulder. Shane smiles slightly. 

“Where am I?” Shane rasps, his voice hoarse and gravelly. Ryan sits up, lifting a hand to gently stroke Shane’s hair. Shane relaxes, leaning into the touch, and Ryan smiles faintly.

His smile fades as he says, “You’re in the hospital, babe. You… got into a bad accident.” 

“I...I don’t remember much…was anybody else hurt?” 

“Nobody else was hurt, big guy.” Shane relaxes even more at this, and Ryan marvels at how, even though he’s straddling the line between life and death, Shane still worries about others. Ryan presses a kiss to Shane’s forehead, smiling softly. Shane scowls. 

“What’s wrong?” Ryan asks, concerned. 

“The breathing tube tickles,” Shane replies grumpily, and Ryan laughs. “Ry, what time is it?” Ryan glances at his Apple watch. 

“9:47.” Shane nods, finding it difficult because of the neck brace. 

“Ry, are you spending the night?” Ryan nods.

“That’s the plan, big guy.” Shane smiles.  


“That’s good- I feel better with you here. Can we go to sleep? I’m really tired.” 

“Of course, baby.” Ryan gets up to turn off the light, and kicks his shoes off before climbing into bed, lowering the rail that separates the two. He lays on his side, facing his husband. Shane smiles, and Ryan smiles back at him. 

“I love you…so much,” Shane says, starting to tear up. A single droplet escapes his eye, and Ryan lovingly wipes it away. 

“I love you too, Shane. Forever and always,” Ryan says, and Shane smiles softly, bringing Ryan’s hand to his lips and pressing a kiss to his knuckles. 

“Ry… if I don’t make it-”

“Shane, no-”

“Please, Ry,” Shane says desperately, and Ryan starts to tear up, intertwining their fingers. “If I don’t make it… I just want you to know that I loved you from the second I saw you. With your stupid, _stupid_ v-neck t-shirt, and your amazing laugh, and the way that your eyes light up when you see something exciting. I just want you to know that,” Shane says, and Ryan smiles, tears flowing down his cheeks. “Oh, also-” Shane grins “-if I don’t make it you have to bring back the hotdaga.” Ryan laughs, facepalming.

“God, Shane…” Ryan says, rolling his eyes. Shane snickers, and Ryan laughs quietly again. 

“Ry, if I die, I’ll come visit you as a ghosty wosty,” Shane says in a goofy voice, waggling his fingers on the hand that isn’t holding his husband’s. Ryan laughs, and then stops. 

“Shane, baby…” Ryan says quietly, and his husband looks down at him with concern written across his face. “I...I don’t wanna lose you-”

“Ry…” Ryan starts crying again, and hates himself for it- he should be happy that Shane’s awake, happy that he gets to spend this time with him. But he can’t shake this feeling that these precious moments with the love of his life will be the last ones. 

“I just…you’re my everything-I love you so much, baby… so, so much.” Shane grips Ryan’s hand, and smiles softly down at his husband. 

“Ry… I’ll always find a way back to you. No matter what separates us. I love you, so much.” Ryan smiles, comforted by Shane’s words-

_I’ll always find a way back to you._

Ryan cuddles up to Shane, resting his head on his shoulder. He puts an arm across Shane’s body, careful not to disturb the bandage on his husband’s stomach, or any of the electrodes stuck to his chest. 

As they both drift off to sleep, Ryan whispers, “I’ll always find you, too,” and Shane tightens his hold on Ryan’s hand, kissing his forehead, then resting his chin on his husband’s head, the both of them softly smiling as they succumb to the sweet pull of sleep. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shane doesn’t wake up. Ryan jolts awake at five am because Shane’s hand goes limp in his. He checks Shane’s pulse-non-existent. 

“ **DOCTOR!** ” he yells. “ **I NEED A DOCTOR!** ”

A doctor rushes into the room, and upon seeing Shanes limp body, yells, “ **I NEED A CRASH CART! NOW!** ” and rushes to the bedside. Ryan is distraught, his face riddled with an unimaginable pain. He’s sobbing, clinging to Shane’s hand. The doctor sees the wedding rings on Shane and Ryan’s hands, and his forehead creases even further. He gently removes Ryan’s vice-like grip from Shane’s hand, and takes the defibrillator off the cart that two nurses just wheeled in. Ryan gets out of the bed next to Shane’s, and watches in desperation as the doctor tries to shock Shane’s heart back to life. They do it four times before Shane’s heart monitor flat lines. 

Ryan sinks to his knees, staring at his husband’s lifeless body, in shock, watching as the doctor takes down the time of death, and the nurses solemnly wheel out the cart, and watching as the doctor removes Shane’s IVs and electrodes. He’s numb for a moment, and then the realization comes crashing down on him: Shane’s gone. 

No more sarcastic remarks during Unsolved episodes telling him “it’s just the wind”.

No more horror movie marathons on the couch, Shane holding Ryan to his chest while they devour bowl after bowl of popcorn.

No more laughing at their desks at some random article that their company thought was deemed fit to publish.

No more nights laying on a blanket in their backyard, gazing at the stars. 

No more of Shane’s goofy grin, no more of his laugh that made Ryan’s heart skip a beat from its beauty, no more soft brown eyes to stare into.  


_No more Shane._

_No more._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. Am. So. Sorry.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's a tad short, but the next one will be up probably tomorrow or the day after. thank you guys so much for reading!!! xx

“Would you like some time to say goodbye?” the doctor says, standing a few feet away from where Ryan sits on the floor. Ryan nods, and the doctor exits the room to give Ryan some privacy, shutting the door behind him. 

Ryan approaches Shane’s bedside, hands trembling. He scans his eyes over his husband, taking in all the small details that mean everything to him. The tousled, mousy brown hair, the adorable nose that would scrunch up with laughter, and the hands that had held Ryan’s through thick and thin. Ryan strokes Shane’s hair, smiling softly as he thinks about how Shane would have gently leaned into the touch, and how he would have laughed, commenting that Shane acts like some sort of demonic cat. He stands there, just looking at his husband sadly and stroking his hair, for about five minutes before finally walking towards the door to exit the room. 

He turns back to look at his husband one last time before leaving, and says, “I’ll find my way back to you. Rest well.”

The rest of the morning is a blur of confusion and tears for Ryan. a doctor asks Ryan what the plans for the body should be, and Ryan tells them that Shane had wanted to donate his body for research (he’d decided on that after Ryan had strongly vetoed the sky funeral). After Shane’s body is removed from the room, a nurse tells Ryan that he’s free to remain there until 3 pm, but he declines. He needs to get out of this damn hospital- the weight of his loss is threatening to bring him down to the floor, and he can’t stand to be in this space of grief and misery any longer. He calls Steven around 9 am. 

“Ryan? Is everything alri-”

“It’s-Shane’s-He’s” Ryan stammers, not being able to bring himself to say the word _gone_ , but he doesn’t need to. Steven knows what transpired early this morning solely from the desperate tone of grief in Ryan’s voice, as well as the shaky, trembling breaths he's struggling to draw. 

“Oh, Ryan, I- I’m so sorry… I’ll take an uber, just wait in the lobby for me, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.”

“Thank you.”

Awhile later, sitting on a chair in the hotel lobby and staring at the floor, Ryan hears the sound of footsteps rapidly approaching. He looks up from the ground, to see Steven running toward him. He slowly stands up, and Steven wraps him in a bear hug, his tears mixing with Ryan’s. 

“Ryan...I’m so sorry…”

“ I-I’m all done here- I filled out the paperwork and stuff-” he sniffles “-can you drive me home? My car’s in the parking lot- if I try to drive- I don’t-”

“Yeah, of course. Have you got everything?” Ryan nods, and Steven pulls Ryan into another hug. 

“Thanks, man- for being here. It means a lot,” Ryan says tearfully. Steven smiles somberly. 

“It’s my job...you’re my friend. Let’s get you home, okay?” Ryan nods, wiping his runny nose on the sleeve of his jacket. Steven wraps a comforting arm around Ryan’s shoulders, and leads him out of the lobby and towards the parking lot. As they walk, Ryan slips his hand into his pocket, wrapping it around Shane’s ring. Something breaks in Ryan when his fingers make contact with the cold metal, knowing that it’s cold because it lacks the heat of the man who once wore it. He chokes on a sob, almost collapsing to the ground again, but this time, Steven is there to catch him. 

“I know, Ryan, I know… we’re almost to the car, you can lay down in the backseat, does that sound okay?” Ryan breathes a yes, and Steven tightens his hold around Ryan’s shoulders, in case his knees give out again. 

They reach Ryan’s car, and Steven removes his arm from around Ryan’s shoulders so that he can take the keys from Ryan and unlock the vehicle. Ryan knows it’s probably just the wind, but in that moment, he could have sworn he heard something whisper his name. He glances around nervously, but nothing’s there. He tells himself it’s the breeze, and climbs into the backseat of the car, laying down on his side across the row of seats. 

Ryan must have fallen asleep at some point during the car ride, because he wakes up on his couch at home. He assumes Steven somehow got him inside, and glances around his silent home. On the coffee table in front of him is a note. 

_I’m sorry I had to head out, but I’m just a call away. Don’t hesitate to reach out for anything. I love you, man. Make sure to take care of yourself._

_-Steven_

Ryan sits on the couch for a second, not remembering. And then it all comes crashing down on him at once. He bursts into tears, and it’s not long before he’s hyperventilating and the edges of his vision are going black. He puts his head between his knees, but it doesn’t help. He lies down, and continues sobbing. He gulps for air, his body trembling all over. Before he knows it, the blackness at the edge of his peripheral is spreading, and he’s lost consciousness completely. 

_Ryan stands on the Santa Monica pier, watching as a bystander, as Shane drops to one knee in front of him, and pulls out a ring. He watches himself accept the ring, tears in his eyes, and then embrace Shane tightly. The people around them burst into applause, and then everything goes black. When the light reappears, he’s watching himself and Shane at the altar, exchanging their cheesy vows, putting each other’s rings on, and then their first kiss as husbands. People in the seats behind them cheer, and it all goes dark again, and he resurfaces, still watching from afar, as he and Shane stand in front of their house, the two of them having just signed the paperwork that officially closed the contract. He watches as they kiss, and then unlock the door and go inside. When he resurfaces out of the blackness again, what he’s watching isn’t a memory. He’s lying on the couch, asleep. He watches as a transparent figure materializes in front of his sleeping body, and climbs onto the couch, nestling down behind Ryan, draping an arm across his waist. He looks more closely, and realizes the ghostly being is-_

“Shane!” Ryan gasps, suddenly awake. He pauses when he feels a warm presence cocoon him, wrapping him in a sensation of safety and contentment. He’s unsure what it is, and lets himself wonder….could it be? He feels a slight weight on his chest, and glances down to see Shane’s favorite hoodie laid across his body. He jumps up from the couch, his heart beating a mile a minute. He bends down, picking up the sweatshirt. 

“Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck…” he whispers, and shrieks when he feels a breeze on the back of his neck. Dropping the hoodie, he rushes to the bathroom, bolting inside and locking the door behind him.

He backs against the wall opposite the door, shaking. He feels idiotic asking the next question that falls from his lips. 

“Is anybody here?” he says, his voice a squeak. The bathroom lights go out, plunging him into darkness momentarily and then flickering back on as if nothing happened in the first place. 

“Shit.”

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this is, sadly, the last chapter. however, I'll probably have the first chapter of a new fic up sometime within the next three or four days or so.

The next morning, Ryan wakes up in his bathtub. He infers that he fell asleep at some point in the night while hiding from whatever sort of being is lurking in his house. 

Groaning, he sits up, rubbing his sore back, muscles twanging with pain. He arduously clambers out of the tub, his back cracking. 

“Wow, that’s gonna feel not great in a few hours.” he glances at himself in the mirror and sighs. The bags under his eyes are dark and his entire face is gaunt, his hair is a greasy mess, sticking up every which way, and his clothes are wrinkled and somewhat dusty from lying on the floor of the tub. He brushes off the front of his shirt, and tries to regain control of the mop of curls growing out of his head, but eventually gives up.

He stands in front of the bathroom door, his hand on the doorknob, shaking slightly. He steels himself, and pushes the door open. His heart drops to his toes at the sight in front of his feet. Wadded up balls of paper, dust bunnies, old socks, a bandana, and many other random items have been used by someone- or some _thing_ \- to spell out one word on the floor:

**RYAN.**

“No fucking way…” he breathes, and the lights in the kitchen start to flicker on and off. He takes a deep breath, and steps out of the bathroom. “Who’s there?” he says, his voice quivering with fear. There’s a small piece of his consciousness that’s whispering “ _what if….”_ , but he ignores it. He can’t manage to think like that right now. He can’t manage to let himself hope…

“Who’s here with me right now?” Ryan says, and all the chaos screeches to a halt at this question. He shivers, all of a sudden extremely cold. “Who’s here?” he repeats, getting more terrified with each passing second. A whisper of a name almost escapes his lips, but he pushes it down, still not allowing himself to think like that. He can’t afford it right now, because if he’s wrong, the weight that’s been present on his shoulders since early yesterday morning would grow even heavier, and increase, until it finally crushed him beneath its mass. So no, he can’t think like that. 

“Look, I don’t know who you are, but you’re scaring the shit out of me. I’ll try to get something to communicate with you but in the meantime….leave me alone unless you’re… well if you’re who I’m talking about...please stay.” he whispers this last part, terrified to manifest his tentative, hopeful thoughts into existence. 

The cold that was riddling his body disappears. The lights stop flickering, and the objects that were spelling his name on the floor all zoom back to their respective places. Ryan yelps again, and retreats to his bedroom, locking the door behind him.

He instantly pulls out his phone, opening the amazon app and ordering the cheapest ouija board he can find. 

“Alright, whoever you are, I’ll talk to you in-” Ryan glances quickly down at his phone “- 3-4 days.” he sighs, collapsing onto his bed, now far too big for him now that the other man who he shared it with no longer inhabits the home, and will never inhabit another home for that matter…. Ryan starts crying again, and continues to do so until he succumbs to the pull of exhaustion, finally falling asleep on top of the covers. 

He wakes back up around 4 pm to a knocking noise on the ceiling, seemingly coming from the attic above him. 

“I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE UNLESS...WELL, YOU KNOW.” Ryan shouts, beginning to tire of this. After saying this, however, the knocking gets louder, and Ryan’s heart skips a beat. Could it be…? He lets himself hope for a moment, consider the possibilities if his husband is indeed the spirit that’s annoying the ever-loving fuck out of him. He chuckles at this thought, and lets the idea become a reality for a moment. 

“Hey….baby?” he whispers tentatively. “I don’t know if you’re actually the one who’s here, but…if, somehow, you are, I…I miss you. God, Shane, it’s only been a day and a half since you...left, but it feels like eons. I hate not having you here, I hate not hearing your amazing, amazing laugh every day, I hate that you won’t be here with me for the rest of…well, this lifetime. I hope that somehow, someday, I’ll see you again, but right now... god, Shane, it’s so hard...I don’t know if I can do this for forever. I need you here, I need you beside me, I need you…” Ryan pauses, wiping tears from his face that he didn’t realize were falling. “God, Shane… I miss you.”

He lies down on his bed again, staring at the ceiling. After a few minutes, the knocking noises continue, and Ryan smiles softly, hoping that somehow Shane heard him. 

\----------------

The ouija board, mercifully, arrives the next morning. Ryan’s sitting on the couch, staring at nothing in particular, while he plays old Unsolved episodes on the tv, just so that he can hear Shane’s voice (If he closes his eyes, he can almost imagine that he’s back in the studio, reading off case files and laughing alongside the man that he loves at the carelessness of past law officials and Shane’s sarcastic commentary), when he hears the knock on the front door. He looks through the peephole, to see a cardboard box sitting on the doorstep. He grabs his keys from the bowl next to the door and unlocks it, retrieving the package and bringing it inside. 

He sets the box down on the coffee table, using his keys to cut the black tape, and then tossing them back into the bowl by the front door. 

“Alright, ghosts. Whoever you may be, this thing’s gonna let me talk to you,” Ryan says as he opens the amazon box, pulling out the ouija board. He tears off the protective plastic packaging encasing it, and then takes the planchette out of the box, setting both things onto the floor. 

He walks to the kitchen, and opens the cupboard with all the random ghost-hunting shit he’s accumulated over the years. The cabinet annoyed the hell out of Shane- “ _we could put the blender in there, Ryan. Imagine the kind of counter space we could have if you didn’t hoard shit in there,” he would say, chuckling softly, not telling Ryan how adorable he found it._ Ryan smiles softly at the memory, and pulls two candles and a container of pure salt from the open cabinet. 

Sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the board, Ryan places down two candles, one at each top corner of the board, and lighting them. He then stands up, pulling out the salt, and pours a wide circle around the board. 

“Alright, ghouligans and assorted spirits,” Ryan calls out, the small voice in the back of his head still continuing its ever-petulant _whatifwhatifwhatif_. He ignores the voice, and turns off the overhead lights. “You can use this board to talk to me,” he finishes, and steps inside the salt circle. 

Now, to his knowledge, the salt circle doesn’t prevent spirits from communicating with him- all it does is block any negative entities (such as demons) from entering the area. He sits down in front of the board, and wipes his shaking, clammy hands on his pant legs, the rough denim scratching against his palms. He places his fingers on the planchette and takes a deep, shuddering breath. 

“Is there anybody here with me?” he asks shakily. The planchette slowly moves to YES, and Ryan’s heart speeds up, beating a mile a minute. “Are you...are you here to cause harm?” the planchette quickly moves to NO, and Ryan sighs with relief. “That’s good…” before he can ask another question, the planchette starts moving. 

R-Y

Ryan’s breath hitches. He starts to tear up. It can’t be. Can it?

“Sh-shane…..?” he whispers, and a single tear falls when the planchette stops moving. He starts to cry in honest, starting to believe that he was the one moving it. This theory is quickly squashed when it starts moving underneath his limp hands. He watches, eyes wide as dinner plates, tears spilling from them, as the planchette moves to YES. 

Sobs rack Ryan’s body, and he rests his forehead against his hands. “Baby….” he whispers, so quiet that he barely hears it himself. 

R-Y-A-N

“Yeah, big guy… I’m here,” he says, sniffling. “God, Shane… I guess I was right, huh?” Ryan can almost hear Shane’s laugh, and smiles softly. 

Suddenly, Ryan’s whole body is wrapped in a strange feeling. He’d definitely felt cold spots before, and this was the opposite of that. Some sort of supernatural warmth envelops him, spreading light and calm throughout his whole being, the sensation bringing a soft smile to his face as he receives what he can only imagine is a ghostly embrace. “Did you just hug me…?” he asks Shane, his tears hitting the board below him.

S-O-M-E-T-H-I-N-G-L-I-K-E-T-H-A-T. 

Ryan laughs, and wipes away a tear running down the bridge of his nose. The planchette starts moving again. 

C-A-N-I-S-T-A-Y

Ryan lifts an eyebrow, confused. 

Ryan smiles hopefully. “Please.” He watches in despair as the piece underneath his fingers moves to GOODBYE. “Shane, please-” he freezes, catching a silver gleam out of the corner of his eye. He slowly turns to face it. 

“Hey, Ry…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eh? what'd you guys think? fun fact: I was originally thinking about naming this fic "Unfinished Business"! kudos and comments are appreciated, thank you guys so much for reading! xx


End file.
